I don’t believe in soulmates.

This blog post is going to be a little different, for this blog post I want to talk about marriage. I have mentioned this before, but I am a Marriage and Family studies major and I LOVE learning about marriage and the family. Something I want to ask people is, do you believe in soul mates? Do you believe that there is one person out there that is meant for you and only you? Some will say yes, others will say no. You know from the title already that I don’t believe in soul mates.
Here is a video from the TV show FRIENDS. Monica and Chandler are married, and Phoebe thinks she found Monica’s soul mate.

The main part I want to emphasize is the last part where Monica says; “I don’t believe in soul mates, I believe we fell in love and we work hard at our relationship. Some days we work really hard.” I believe that there are many guys out there that I could have married and my life would have been perfectly fine. I would still be in the church, had kids, graduated from school. And there are girls out there that Ben could have married and our lives would be very different, but they wouldn’t be bad or destroyed. Its not about finding the “right” person or finding “the one” but saying; “I chose you, and I will work my hardest to make this work and make our marriage celestial, lets work together to achieve those goals.”

Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church , and gave himself for it;” Obviously, marriage is hard. Lets just be honest for a moment, ya’ll are gonna fight, and ya’ll probably already do fight. It’s normal. Both of you grew up in different households with different families. Ben and I grew up in completely different states, and different families. I am the oldest of four, I have two sisters and a brother with autism. My parents divorced when I was 16, I grew up in my adolescent years with only my mother present in my life. Ben is the youngest of eight, he has four brothers and three sisters. His parents are still happily married, and both have great influence in his life. How can people with two totally different backgrounds live together, see each other all time, and be able to go through the most stressful and sad things they will ever have to go through? Although love, is huge, I don’t think its the answer. Love is just part of it, there is also willingness, hard work, forgiveness, and other actions that help with this. But the biggest thing is action. You can’t just wait for your marriage to work out, or for it to fix itself. Just because you were married in the temple doesn’t mean your marriage is safe. Okay, I said it. It depends on the both of you working together towards the same cause. Understanding that you both are different, you grieve in different ways, cope in different ways, feel love in different ways, and you are there for each other.

The night Ben and I found out about out baby’s condition we didn’t sleep well, if at all. I would wake up every 15 minutes to an hour crying. Ben was a great example to me of the importance of letting him help me. Even though I was feeling terrible and heart broken, I was grateful that I wasn’t alone. Out of all the heartache, pain, and sadness I am just so happy I have someone to go through this trial with. Marriage is meant to be an adventure, it’s meant to bring out the best in us. I know I’ve only been married a little over a year, but I have learned a lot from being married, and from Ben.

I love this video for a lot of different reasons, but one quote I want to emphasize is when Elder Scott says; “I am confident that when, in our future, I see her again beyond the veil, we will recognize that we have become even more deeply in love. We will appreciate each other even more, having spent this time separated by the veil.” There are a lot of wonderful things about marriage, but I think the most interesting and wonderful thing about it is how after years and years of driving each other crazy, going through trials, children, grandchildren, job loss, and other hardships people become more and more in love. I don’t think it happens without us knowing, I think it is because after all those trials and hardships, and fights we still try hard to understand each other, stay together, and love each other.

“As I held her hand and saw mortal life drain from her fingers, I confess I was overcome. Before I married her, she had been the girl of my dreams, to use the words of a song then popular. She was my dear companion for more than two-thirds of a century, my equal before the lord – really, my superior. And now in my old age, she has again become the girl of my dreams.” [President Gordon B. Hinckley about his wife, Marjorie]

 

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2 thoughts on “I don’t believe in soulmates.

  1. Alyssa, I read you big and it was very touching. It’s true, I didn’t go through an experience like that. However, I’m a mother and I understand about the mother’s live for their children. I just want you to know that you’re in my prayers. My deep respect for this moment at your lives. Much love, Fatima

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