Today was a rainy gloomy day, which set the scene for being sad and depressing. I was full of so many emotions today, and I was overwhelmed with the unknown of Will’s birth as it quickly approaches. It was one of those days where you sit in bed, curl up in your blanket, and cry. But Ben and I were recently called to be nursery leaders and we already made the commitment to teach nursery today. Throughout the day we had more and more temptations to back out and not go, to sit in our rooms and comfort each other. As we debated with each other we finally decided to go to church.
During church I felt extremely overwhelmed, there were many new babies in the ward and it made me sad thinking about my own baby and all his problems as I was surrounded by perfect normal babies. I could barely sing the hymns because I was so sad and depressed sitting in my own bitterness. I couldn’t even allow myself to feel the spirit, I was sulking, and it was awful. It wasn’t until a young woman from our ward stood up and bore her testimony in sacrament, I don’t remember what she said but right after she was done, I immediately stood up to bare my own testimony. If it didn’t help anyone else in the congregation is helped me. After I explained my love for the savior and his atonement, i immediately felt myself become happier.
I saw this quote this morning, and I wish I would have changed my mindset earlier from it.
After sacrament meeting, Ben and I had a wonderful time in nursery. It was a big blessing to us to have that calling. We were able to have fun, and focus on playing and enjoying ourselves. I forgot all about my worries, my fears, and I allowed myself to feel the spirit instead of feeling bad for myself, and it made me so incredibly happy and hopeful.
Looking outside yourself, past all the things that make you angry or upset and look towards others, and how to help others can lead us out of our misery and towards happiness. Get up! Get out of the house, take a walk, serve someone. There truly is power in work and looking outside of yourself. It is truly a blessing to have school, work, church callings, temples work, and other things that allow you to get out of the house and enjoy the moment. Although the future in unsure, and everything seems really scary right now, I know that the moment I have with Will is important and I need to embrace it.
I don’t think it’s bad to sometimes feel sad, and allow yourself to cry and be upset with the cards we’ve been dealt. But I also think those shouldn’t last days on end. When we understand that this life is not the end, and there is more awaiting us, we can also understand the importance of work, and helping others rather than being sad, or bitter about our circumstances, I know for myself, I am a lot more happy and hopeful.