There is this cliché I’ve been seeing around that says; “happiness is a choice.” And I usually just ignore it but lately I’ve noticed that it is so true. I think part of overcoming the natural man is overcoming our instinct to feel sorry for ourselves and to immediately feel depressed or sad in situations that we can’t control. Many times during our adventure and journey with William, Ben and I were put in situations beyond our control. Recently, Will had an emergency surgery that was the most stressful day of both Ben and I’s life. I remember watching the surgrgeons taking Will down to the operating room with Ben right behind them, and I was feeling completely, and utterly useless. There was absolutely nothing I could do but sit and watch. In that moment I felt sad, depressed, useless, and angry that there was nothing I could do for my baby. For a while after this experience I remember trying to think of ways that I was the cause or things I could’ve done to prevent his emergency surgery from happening. Then one day I just looked at my situation; I was far from home, from my own bed, from my dog. I wasn’t able to hold my baby whenever I wanted to. I had no idea when I would be able to take Will home. But as I looked at my situation and looked at myself I realized that staying mad, staying upset, trying to find out why everything happened wouldn’t help me at all.
Yesterday Ben and I attended church in the hospital. They hold a short 30 minute sacrament meeting in a little auditorium room. Some people dress up, some people don’t, some are staff from the hospital others are parents. Children who are staying in the hospital sit with their IV poles and wheel chairs and wait for the sacrament. It was the most spiritual sacrament meeting I have ever attended, and couldn’t help but be overwhelmed with gratitude toward my Savior and my Heavenly Father for the very imperfect, but very beautiful and wonderful family I had been given. The branch president spoke to the children about the atonement and how the Lord has atoned not only to save us from sin but to help us in times of need, in pain, and sickness. He also explained how Heavenly Father administers Angels to us in times of need, now some are seen and some are unseen. I thought of Will’s nurses, doctors, and surgeons who care for him and watch over him with such dedication and love for him. I thought about many of my family members who have passed away that also watch and care for Will. Most of all, I remembered the love that God has for Will and the Love our savior has for him too.
So, when I feel useless, and stressed about the situation that I am in and how I cannot control it, I have to remind myself that here is good. Life is okay. “Come what may, and love it.” Because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ all will be made perfect again. But for now, it’s okay. Don’t stress about things we cannot control, but instead think of things you can control and focus on that.
11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. 12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities. Alma 7: 11-12